Dear Lonely Hearts & Hallmark Sucker,

February 14^th may leave your pockets or heart empty. Today may be the day when shadows past are remembered or a night full of unexpected romances. Valentine’s Day may just be a typical day, full of morning commutes and microwave dinners. Whomever you are, remember this: Love is displayed in many forms, and is most defiantly not always leather & lace. Enjoying a home cooked meal around the dinner table as a family; being on the wait list at the Olive Garden for two hours; Grabbing martinis & manis with your best girlfriends; a simple Facebook message or 12 dozen roses, and a box of chocolate.

All of these circumstances share a common theme--- Love, love, love. May this Valentine’s Day you find unconditional love in yourself, and in return have more love to give. Also, remember to treat each other as they are your everyday Valentine—1: 365 is just not a ratio anyone should really be willing to work with. Be nice often. Love now.

Couple more side notes:

Vday haters get over yourself-- your alone and your envious that all your buddies have hot girlfriends and will most likely have a long night of whoopie..... and PDA couples--- please refrain from humping each other in the booth. It makes me stare at you and I think would make you feel awkward. And my most favorite, Valentine-less winey women---- who cares about this day. It would be nice to get some flowers and have a nice dinner today, but your not. Your alone this year; its ok-- If you can do lonely on Valentines Day good, you WILL do non-lonely even better. So just keep your hopes up, he will come around. He will certainly come around if your not feeling sorry for yourself.

In commemoration of Valentine’s Day, take a look at how others are celebrating:

Weird and Wonderful Valentine Celebrations

Peace & Love

Sucked, Melted, Tucked, Lifted, Implanted, and Pinned

Not sure if you’ve noticed, but we as a culture have become obsessed with youth & beauty. However, through history women have always found beauty regiments that enhance physical features---corsets date back to the 15^th century, which were known for uncomfortable cinching, and the occasional pass out. Or the cold cream your grandma used for 50 years. These are all normal concepts to me. Not a huge investment, nor life-threatening, and doesn’t require using a fat donor to make your ass look plump.

You heard it. A fat donor. I’m specifically speaking about the latest beauty trend, The Brazilian Butt Lift—“The procedure removes fat from selected areas of your body, purifies the fat, then reinjects selected donor fat cells into your buttocks. The process of fat reinjection involves scores or hundreds of injections. The procedure is designed to fill the upper quadrant of your buttocks so that the butt appears lifted and perky. The resulting effect is that the woman appears more attractive and sensuous.”

Why would I want fat from someone else? So incredibly eerie. In effort to enhance the figure, one must allow HUNDREDS of incisions/injections, permission to remove the very matter of who you are and be willing to accept fat from someone else. Would you eat candy from a stranger, then why would you inject stranger fat? Just get over that your ass is flat, maybe it’s from sitting on the couch for too long, or you inherited it from your mother. Love yourself and not Kim Kardashian. Kim’s got a rockin bod, but it’s because of all the medical work she has had. Who knows in 20 years what the sucking and tucking will look like…..

Another procedure that is beyond me is Monopolar Radiofrequency, AKA Fat Melting—“ Treating spot fat has never been easier - even if you go to the gym on a regular basis and eat a healthy diet, you may have pockets of fat that are stubborn and resistant to remove., Uses monopolar radio frequency (RF) to "melt fat." The Exilis (machine) allows multiple levels of penetration into the skin to deliver different results, even delving deep enough to affect the subcutaneous fat layer - that troublesome fat just under the skin. No surgery needed”.

So what you’re telling me is that I’ll pump high-levels of radio waves into my body, to rid troublesome belly fat --- to in return get cancer in 10 years, from involuntary absorbing radio waves. WTF?! This makes no sense….come on people; we don’t know what these procedures will do to our health. When did looking flawless take priority of evading chemo? Radiation and chemo should get that dress size down—ask someone who’s been through it. Awful.

Ladies (and some obsessed men), you were not born physically perfect, nor will you ever be. Everything ages. And most aging is done beautifully. Let time age you. It’s how it was meant to be--- the natural progression of aging…and dying. Think before you do certain things to your body. The law of physics, “Every action is accompanied by a reaction of equal magnitude but opposite direction”

Don’t be a Joan Rivers.

The Demise of Meaningful Relationships

I believe we can all agree, reality shows have done more for us than pure entertainment. They’ve opened our minds to unconventional lifestyles, provided personal story inspirations and have SHOCKED us all. I am no “Hater” (see term below) to any particular reality show, I’ve just noticed a reoccurring modern trend…. Ridiculousness. When did we decide that our man can make-out with 5 other chicks in the same night? Let’s just go ahead and spread Swine flu to the whole cast. When did it become cool to have some lame system, with terms & strategy to get laid? Weird. Or women that have convinced themselves that they have a “special connection” with a guy that is falling for multiple women at the same time? Delusional.

Basically my point is, “Kids Don’t Try this at Home”. Call me old-fashioned, or old but in my belief the way we treat one another will have an direct impact on if we can live our best life… or not. Let’s hope we all take ridiculous reality show moments as entertainment, and not something to idealize. It’s gross--- seriously. Yelling, calling each other names, exchanging STDs, hysterically crying about a guy you just met and being recorded on camera having sex at the Jersey Shore House--- You should be mortified but your getting paid, so it’s ok.

In case you need to get up to speed with the Jersey Shore cast terms & strategy. These are just a few, they’ve got quite the vocab.

D.T.F.: Stands for "Down To F*ck." When Pauly D says, “This girl is totally D.T.F,” he means that he’s certain she’d be easy to sleep with. However, if a cast member misjudges and brings a girl home who turns out to not be D.T.F., she will immediately be kicked out of the house, ridiculed and referred to as a "grenade."

*Apparently this term is widely known in the male community, unaware to me. Ladies, try not to give it up on the first night. Make them buy you dinner first. Who really wants the title, “D.T.F.”?

GFA/GFF: Grenade-Free America/Grenade-Free Foundation. Charitable cause/organization established by the male cast mates in season two to keep the house free of unattractive females. See also "Grenade."Grenade: 1) A large, portly woman of an unsightly nature and violent disposition. 2) A difficult, prickly (often sober) friend of a potential conquest who blocks your advances on their friend's behalf. A wing man is required at all times to "dive on the grenade" to ensure your success in the bedroom.

*I realize I’ve probably been the Grenade at some point in my life—in some shape or form. FML. However, being the Grenade means I go home alone, STD free; in non-regret and don’t have to explain why my skin is orange from the spray tan rub-off. All positives.

Hater: One who openly disapproves of the general debauchery of the Shore. Someone who looks down with disdain on the cast mates and their life choices. Not to be associated with at any cost.

Haterade: Drink invented by The Situation to be hidden under the bed of a Hater (see above). Sign of disapproval of one's world-view, and a signifying marker that one is indeed a Hater. Can be both a metaphorical and literal drink.